When morning comes, a new day starts.
I usually do not think about this.
When I wake up, I get out of bed and do the things I must do, even if I feel tired.
When everything is finished, I return to bed and sleep again.

I have a home, a job, food to eat, and a cat.
Maybe that is enough.
But sometimes I think:
“If I had chosen a different path, maybe I would be living with someone I love, feeling thankful every day.”

I finished reading How to Live a Happy Life: Learning from Adler by Ichiro Kishimi.

Alfred Adler lived more than 100 years ago, but his ideas still speak to our lives today.
Especially about marriage and family, his words feel very true and timeless.

These ideas stayed in my mind:

• People who only care about themselves will have problems in love and marriage
• A sense of community grows slowly
• Respect and love cannot be forced
• Love and marriage work only when two people are equal
• Economic advantage or disadvantage does not decide a person’s value

• People who can see, hear, and feel from another person’s point of view are ready for family life

Reading these ideas made me think again about what it means to live in a family.

I believe learning is important for life.
Learning is like breathing for my heart.
Reading, thinking, and growing my words help me keep my sense of self,
even while I work inside the family as part of a small community.

Adler says that the ability to “feel with another person’s heart” grows through learning and reading.
Family life needs this kind of imagination, not just knowledge.

My husband looks like a person with a good sense of community outside the home.
That is one reason I chose him as my partner.
But inside the home, this sense did not work.

Some people look helpful and kind outside,
but inside the family they become more self-centered.
The home has no rules, no evaluation, and no audience.
A person’s true values appear there.

I learned slowly that having education and being equal in the family are two different things.

Before marriage, family roles do not exist yet.
So it is very hard to know how a person will act inside the home.

Some people can “act” like they have a sense of community outside,
but they do not feel the need to act inside the home.
Family community sense depends strongly on childhood environment and personal values.
Even if we know this, it is not easy to see before marriage.

This is why choosing a marriage partner is difficult.
It is something we cannot easily see before living together.

A sense of community can grow through reading many kinds of books.
So maybe one way to judge a partner is to see whether they read diverse books.
Not just many books, but many different kinds of books.

While reading Adler, I think quietly about this:
How can I live with equality and respect inside my small family community?
I know I cannot change my husband easily.
But I hope my children will grow into people who have a sense of community,
both outside and inside the home.