The first time I thought beer tasted good was at a fireworks festival with a boyfriend who was one year older. It sounds like a nice memory, but it was actually a little painful.

He had just broken up with a woman he had dated for many years. We went to a gathering with people who knew his ex-girlfriend well. I watched the fireworks while people I didn’t know looked at me with curious eyes. The fireworks were very close, it was hot and smoky, and my wooden sandals hurt. Soon after that day, he told me he still could not forget his ex, and we broke up.

Recently, I read Lunch Sake by Harada Hika.

In the eighth chapter, the main character says something that stayed in my mind:

“Funerals and family duties are troublesome, but while doing them, we slowly begin to accept death.”

I realized that the “trouble” of a ritual can actually help our hearts accept reality.

I stopped drinking alcohol about four years ago. I think I will continue not to drink. I have not tried many kinds of alcohol, so sometimes I feel a little jealous when I see people enjoying drinks.

But I also feel good about choosing a life without getting drunk. There are many other things that taste good and make my heart relax. I am satisfied with my choice now.

At my workplace, I keep several kinds of tea: mint tea, chamomile tea, rosehip tea, grain-blend tea, cinnamon tea, and three kinds of flavored black tea. It is nice to choose one depending on my mood. Because they are individually wrapped, I can share them with someone easily.

I used to keep decaf coffee too.
But I try to avoid caffeine now, so I don’t keep it anymore.
Still, sometimes I miss the taste of coffee.
When that happens, I choose another tea and calm myself.

Just as rituals help us accept sadness, the small choices in my daily life quietly shape the way I live.